Cleveland Browns: Masters of the Gridiron


This is a glorious short film the starring the most popular Cleveland Browns team of all time.

Part One:

Part Two:

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Space Browns


I saw this on r/browns, and I found it hilarious and confusing. Basically, the Space Browns come from outer space to help the Earth Browns.

Shawn is the Editor-In-Chief and Lead Writer for Dawg Pound Nation.  He’s also an Army Sergeant, married to the beautiful and brilliant @MrsStarr, dad to three and aspiring Browns Writer.  You can follow him on Twitter @ShawnMStarr or @DawgPoundNews, as well as on the Dawg Pound Nation Facebook Page.

Brandon Weeden, We Hardly Knew Ye


In case you missed it, the Cleveland Browns have released quarterback Brandon Weeden. Brandon’s journey with the Cleveland Browns was not always an easy one. Let’s take a look back at some of the best Brandon Weeden moments.

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1. Draft Day

Brandon wasn’t one of the quarterbacks who was invited to the draft. Mainly because no one in the NFL thought there was a chance in hell that any team would use a first round draft pick on a geriatric quarterback. But that didn’t stop the Cleveland Browns. Oh no, we think outside the box. So, we was at home with family and friends when the Cleveland Browns announced that they had drafted him.

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When he was introduced, Brandon showed all of the energy that a member of the AARP muster. Cleveland fans in media were skeptical, but Brandon assured us he would be our quarterback.

2. First Game

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Okay, so things started off a little rough . Sure, America herself mowed Brandon down when he took the field for his first start a quarterback , but that didn’t stop Brandon from trying. He went out there and gave it his all, putting up with one of the worst performances by a rookie quarterback in NFL history.

3.  The Struggles

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Okay. It didn’t really get any better when Brandon played more. He only seemed to be good at frustrating fans, staring down receivers, turning the ball over, and taking sacks. But man, could he takes sacks.  Brandon seemed too long for the physical contact of defenders. He would hold on to the ball as long as humanly possible, even as Blitzers closed in on him from all sides.

4. The Flip

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The flip, as its affectionately known in Cleveland, was a big turning point in Brandon’s career. From this point forward, no one on earth thought Brandon had a chance to become a starting quarterback in the NFL again. This pass, if you can call it that, has been referred to as the worst passing play in NFL history by multiple experts.

5. The Cut

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Universally, Browns fans rejoiced when the Cleveland Browns announced on Twitter that they had released Brandon. But that’s okay Brandon. You keep your head up man, because as a ginger, you don’t have much else to lose. Not even a soul.

A Satirical Look At Cutting Davone Bess


Tuesday Night With Davone Bess

Tuesday Night With Davone Bess

As you all know by now, the Cleveland Browns decided to cut ties with “embattled” Wide Receiver Davone Bess this morning.  This included using language written in to his contract that voided all money due in 2014 due his being placed on the non-football injury list at the end of last season.

DPN went behind the scenes to get a look at what actually happened in this, A Satirical Look At Cutting Davone Bess (please note the word Satirical).

Veteran Wide Receiver Davone Bess was dealt by the Miami Dolphins to the Cleveland Browns as part of a draft day pick swap.  At the time, the Bess trade was regarded as a good one, as the Browns seemed to score an established, dependable receiver for very little in return.  “Haha, yeah, the Browns completely screwed us over on this trade” said then (since fired) Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland.  “We must look like complete fucking morons for trading a receiver as good as Bess to move up 16 spots in the 4th round” Ireland said, while winking uncontrollably.

Moron like a fox.

Moron like a fox.

Then Browns GM Mike Lombardi (since fired) spoke through his jowels, heradling his foresight in nabbing Bess from the Dolphins “I mean… *eating*… I knew the Dolphins front office… *eating* was pretty stupid… *eating*… but damn man, we bent those guys over on this one”.  With grease dripping down his chins from the triple Whopper that he inhaled in three bites, Lombardi seemed to be the king of the day.
The team seemed to be a great fit for Bess, as they had a soul-less ginger demon spawn at Quarterback in Brandon Weeden, who was old and past his prime 2 years before he was drafted in the NFL, and the two were a perfect match on the field.  The few times Weeden managed to throw the ball before being sacked, Bess ALWAYS managed to drop it.  Bess, who was known to be a clutch threat when on the field in 3rd down situations, repeatedly mishandled balls when it counted the most.  The height of “Bess-Mania” hit when Bess single handedly lost the Browns a hard fought game against the Kansas City Chiefs.  Quarterback Jason Campbell’s comments from after the game are telling “F*CK DAVONE BESS” Campbell screamed, in a widely acknowledged moment of solidarity with his struggling teammate.

What can’t be overstated is Bess’s importance in mentoring young players.  After break-out star wide receiver Josh Gordon’s suspension for drug related issues at the start of the year, the team made the right move in assigning Bess as Gordon’s mentor.  “J’ah be praised mon” said Bess, while taking a hit of the stickiest of the icky “We just bonding with the most loved J’ah.  Like we do in Jamaica mon”  Bess of course is from California, where he learned the Jamaican ways and life of a Rastafari.  Bess smoked three more blunts full of the dankest buds while we sat and chatted.

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The Chiefa of the Reefa

When asked today about the Browns decision to cut him and void his contract, Bess seemed dazed and barely coherent.  “J’ah knows all dees things mon.  I’m lookin’ forward to playin’ for the Browns next ‘ear.”  Bess said.  When we pressed, asking how he felt about the teams move, Bess replied after a lengthy pause in which he stared off into the distance “… I don’t know mon.  Ask Brandon Weeden about that.”  At this time, Brandon Weeden is not available for comment.

Shawn is the Editor-In-Chief and Lead Writer for Dawg Pound Nation.  He’s also an Army Sergeant, married to the beautiful and brilliant @MrsStarr, dad to three and aspiring Browns Writer.  You can follow him on Twitter @ShawnMStarr or @DawgPoundNews, as well as on the Dawg Pound Nation Facebook Page.

 

 

 

 

An Open Letter To The Cleveland Browns


Dear Cleveland Browns,

Hi. I’m Shawn. I’m a 29 year old Army Sergeant, husband to a beautiful wife, father to three fantastic kids (with one more on the way), and life-long Cleveland Browns fan.

For reference, I mean it when I say I’ve been a Browns fan my entire life. I went to my first Browns game when I was two. One of my earliest memories was of the Browns playoff loss to the Dolphins in the 1986 season. I remember how excited my family was at halftime, how my grandfather called Dan Marino a “lucky son-of-a-bitch”. I remember how he was sure that Bernie was the guy to lead us back to the promised land.

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I remember being a young kid sitting in the Dawg Pound, at first a little wary of all the people who looked completely insane to a six year old boy. I remember how rowdy they got, but how incredibly kind the people truly were to me. They embraced me, made me feel like I’d been apart of the place for a hundred years, and kindled a fire in me for Cleveland football and the Dawg Pound itself that has never once gone out.

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I remember how I learned to hate the Steelers, well before I understood what hatred even was, or why we hated those guys so much. My grandfather and those crazy people I met in the Pound hated them, and that was all I needed to know really. So, even though that rivalry has been dead on the field for a long time now, I still hold my hatred for the Steelers near and dear to my heart.

I could go on with the background stuff, but what I’ve said already is enough. The reason I’m writing this is because we need to get a few things understood between us. By us, I mean the fans, the “Dawg’s” and you, the organization. There has apparently been a major disconnect between us going back a long way, back to the days when that soulless coward Art Modell still roamed the Earth. I assume it’s a disconnect, because if you really understood what you had in us, I can’t imagine things would have gone the way they have.

We are loyal. Ridiculously, probably stupidly loyal. We’ve stood by this team when any reasonable group of people would have gladly left it for dead. We’ve suffered, arguably, more than any professional sports fan base in America. We’ve endured things like Red Right 88, The Fumble, The Drive. We’ve endured through The Move and been humiliated by The Decision. We’ve watched as players we’ve cheered for have come and gone, while many have turned around and mocked us. We’ve dealt with owners who don’t care or don’t get it. We’ve watched inept, weak leaders flounder and fail. We’ve heard their excuses. We’ve seen the reasons, and while sometimes fans are irrational and illogical, we get what’s happened. We understand the failings of the past better than you ever could, because we felt them. We’ve felt more of those terrible moments than you could ever understand.

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So, when inevitably more bad times come (and they will), don’t give us lines like “it’s a process”, or “we have a plan”. We don’t want to hear about how optimistic you are. Simply put, when you put on that brave face and give us rehearsed lines from written speeches, we’re smart enough to see through it. We know you’re lying, because we’ve been lied to more times than you can possibly imagine. We’ve felt our teams wins and losses more than any fans of any other fan base, and that’s not hyperbole. They are very real to us, very much as if something awful had happened to our own family or loved ones. You may feel a hit to your pride, or a financial loss. It’s a business to you, and I’m sure seeing your business have set backs is an unfortunate feeling. Even still, you don’t have the same attachment to this team as we do. The Dawg Pound existed, in spirit if not name, for long before any of you were born, and it will still exist long after you’re gone. It’s passed down from one generation to the next, from fathers and mothers to sons and daughters. And you will never, ever know our pain.

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What do we want? Simply, we want you to get this right. We want you to take pride in the fact that you own or are running the Cleveland Browns, which mean more to us than it does to you. We want you to act like this belongs to us, and understand that we are placing a special trust in you. We trust you to at a minimum not bring further shame and humiliation on us. We want you to treat this team like it matters to you, that it’s special to you. This is Cleveland, and we don’t want to be treated like a “stop on the road”. Maybe that’s the reality, but if we get the feeling that you’re here until you can move to greener pastures, don’t act shocked when we despise you. Our city and our team matters to us, and since you have much more sway over how it performs, it should matter even more to you. Not because it’s a job, but because, simply, it exists. Because it’s special to us. Because Browns fans, after having endured years of torment and crushing failures, still have the sense of humor to request the Browns to send players as pallbearers. If you got us at all, you’d have sent some guys to let Scott Entsminger down one last time. You wouldn’t, but you should.

Last, stop taking for granted the passion and loyalty that we give you so freely. Just like an unappreciated spouse, if we’re neglected and mistreated long enough, eventually we will wise up and move on. It hasn’t happened yet, because hope springs eternal in Cleveland it seems. But understand, we DESERVE to be rewarded for holding up our end of the bargain. We’ve watched you give us shitty teams. We’ve paid you money to watch games that are unwatchable. We’ve bought jerseys of players who were gone before they went through the washer one single time. We’ve cheered and roared every single time there has been cause too, and kept a fantastic sense of humor for the other times. Simply put, you owe us. And it’s time to pay up.

Shawn is the Editor-In-Chief and Lead Writer for Dawg Pound Nation.  He’s also an Army Sergeant, married to the beautiful and brilliant @MrsStarr, dad to three and aspiring Browns Writer.  You can follow him on Twitter @ShawnMStarr or @DawgPoundNews, as well as on the Dawg Pound Nation Facebook Page.